Pretty Things

Here are some pretty things in my life at the moment...

My new bag!!! A friend here got this for me as an early birthday present, I'm in love with it!

The necklace Sean got me for our ten year anniversary that was in January. I wear it almost everyday, it's from Vintage Pearl (I love all of their stuff). 

birdies for Spring

cute rolled paper flowers

Lastly (here is a funny not pretty thing) - 

I was just standing outside the bathroom, giving C his privacy and heard him talking to God saying, "the more mommy throws up the bigger the baby grows, so please God let her throw up more and more and more."

Okay last lastly (not funny or pretty)-

The KTV karaoke club that opened downstairs from us. 

That area under the KTV sign is the entrance. Our bedroom window is the third one up, right above the one with the pink cloth hanging in it. Though despite all my complaining the last two weeks about this I will say that this weekend I miraculously didn't hear anything! Not sure how that happened since I am up all the time at night. 

Father Son Trip

One of Sean's students invited us to go  to his village this weekend to celebrate a special festival (it happens once every 13 years). Since I am not up to village life/traveling right now Sean offered to take Caed and make it into a father/son weekend. Caed was SOOOOO excited about this! They took the train and then a bus then hiked into his students village. 

For this festival each house slaughtered at least one pig. Sean said that the streets of the village were all flowing with blood (I sure am glad I didn't go, I would have been vomiting the whole time!). So Sean had a serious talk with Caed about where meat comes from, and all that. When I asked C what he thought about all the pigs being killed he said he thought it was a little sad. 

Here is C with Sean's student, of course everyone gave Caed toy guns (i don't think I have ever been to a village where they haven't gifted him a gun...). See the pig being slaughtered in the background to the right of C's head?

So when they got home last night Caed really wanted to play pretend with me. We pretend to go to different lands via spaceship and run into obstacles along the way. Well his new thing is to say soemthing along the lines of, "Lets go catch some lizzys (or snakes, or dogs) and let's raise them in our house for five days and then we will cut them up and eat them!!!" While we were playing this morning he said it again. So I guess the pig talk he had with Dad made an impact :)

They caught spiders and grasshoppers near the river

One of C's favorite things was to play with the fishes in this barrel. Sean said he played with the fish and these boys whenever he could!

Sean's student's younger brother has these identical twin boys. The dad (who must be like 20) went off to work in the factory, so the young mom lives with her in-laws (that is the grandpa in the pic with Sean) raising these 5 month old twins! Cuteness. 

Art Time

Last week Caed had a fun time doing this activity. He is sort of hit or miss when it comes to liking art so I was happy when he spent a good 30 minutes on this project. (I got the idea on Pinterest). 

On a white pillow case we out paper cups in between the layers and wrapped rubber bands around them.  Then Caed used Sharpie markers to make designs or color on the raised circle part. Then he sprayed the circle with rubbing alcohol, it spread and made a pretty design. 

It was in fact a "beautiful flower pillowcase for the Lorax" - at one point C told me, "I think the Lorax with really like my beautiful design!"

Here he is later making truffular trees also for the Lorax :)

On Loss and the Lorax

It's sunny here today, nice sunny, let's go to the park after nap sunny. 

But right now my heart hurts. Today we reach yet another due date that symbolizes the loss of two lives this last summer. I hate it. But in a way it is good. I think that after a loss it is not just one, two six months that I personally grieve. I think it is more like the whole nine months. From past experience I know that getting to that due date and than past it is a marker for me, a time of healing. I do grieve for those lives that were lost, I miss them - is that weird? And today I think of all the ten lives we have lost over the past 4 years. My plan is to go out and buy a flower for each of them today, and a different color for Caed and this growing baby (again this may all seem silly since technically I wasn't 'pregnant', but what can I say it's how I feel). And of course it goes without saying that getting to this day and being pregnant with that one last little embryo softens all the harshness of this day. Though with all that has happened in the last week I feel... oh I don't even know how I feel. Maybe like this is all sort of a dream, and I have no idea if we will have a baby or not in 7.5 months. The throwing up is real though. Yesterday walking home from dinner I threw up on the street, as Caed kneeled and watched (gross), Sean later joked that he thought to tell all the people looking "Oh don't mind her she is drunk." (he did not say that). First thing Caed said when he woke up this am was, "Mommy I bet those people that pick up trash with shovels picked up your throw up already, because they wear special gloves you know".

And now onto the Lorax. A year ago my mom sent C a dvd of the original Lorax movie which he loves. So this month I decided to do a Lorax theme in school (nature trees, flowers etc). Well the first day we did this was the same day I had that bleed. So in total we have only 'done' two days of school at home this month. But we are quite proud of our Lorax creation :)

Lorax maze

painting the Lorax

painting the truffuler (sp?) tree trunks

painting himself to be a Lorax

Examining water beads with magnifying glass

His finished bedroom door. I don't know if you can see but on the top right there is a window with the Onclers hands holding a thneed. :) 

I did make these home made oatmeal cream pies today that are amazing

and

this skillet moussaka that with some slight adjustments (added chicken bullion, upped some of the spices, and one can of T. paste and a can of water) is very good!!!

Thankful

First of all thank you everyone for all your love and support and comments. We feel very blessed to have so much support.

After I wrote that post earlier this week some more information unfolded that ended in us taking a very quick trip to Hong Kong.

First off the clinic here called us later that day and said my HCG number (they had done the blood labs in the am) was 731. If you know anything about these numbers that is bad, I mean baby would have died weeks ago if this was true. There is no way they saw a hb if this number was accurate (I believe it should be in the tens of thousands at this point). Also after writing with my doctor in Thailand she said that they must have made a mistake because she said it is quite impossible to hear a heartbeat via abdominal u/s at 7 weeks (and she said she thought they measured the baby quite big for its age too). She also said that even via vaginal ultrasound hearing the hb that early is unlikely. So needless to say all the inconsistencies were hard to take. But we were still going to stay here rest and wait it out.

Then I consulted with a foreign doctor in Kunming via email and he brought up the question of if I am RH- (blood) which I am, and Sean is not. He said, and my Thailand doctor said too after I reminded her I am rh-, that I really needed to get the antiD RG shot within 72 hours of the bleed (since it was so much blood, and if baby is + and it's blood mixes with mine I could start to build antibodies against baby). All no problem if you live anywhere other than China right - because negative blood type is a Caucasian problem. We realized all of this on Wednesday night about 5:30pm. We needed the shot by Thursday 11am.

Thankfully we have some VERY helpful friends here. Someone came and took Caed right away, and another friend got on the phone with various international hospitals all over China. And guess what NOWHERE in mainland China had the shot. So we ended up going to HK. We couldn't book flights last minute so we headed to the airport bought tickets and again our amazing friends took care of everything for us (we had to fly to ShenZhen and they hired a driver to take us into HK, they found a hospital with the shot, booked us a hotel...). Another couple took Caed without any hesitation.

We got to the hospital got the shot, slept for a few hours, went back to hospital and met with obgyn in the am. That was great. I was so thankful to meet with someone who spoke English and have all our questions answered. She did a t/v ultrasound and we saw baby's heart beating away! Though it was too early to hear it. We also could see clearly the very big clot right next to baby which she said is called a subcorionic hemorrhage. She said it is common and though there could still be problems and it could cause m/c should be alright in the long run. From the hospital we went to a mall for a few hours and caught a bus from there to ShenZhen, then flew back home. We arrived back at our airport exactly 24 hours after we had arrived there.

This whole time Sean and I have been saying over and over how thankful we are. Thankful that baby is still growing, thankful for that doctor in KMG, thankful for our invaluable group of friends, thankful for a flight, a place to stay, credit cards, help. So now we go one with everyday life. No bed rest, but other restrictions. I am still feeling more and more nauseous as the days past - threw up twice yesterday. And extremely tired (though this may have something to do with the KTV karaoke bar that opened this week RIGHT UNDER our apartment, more on that craziness later).

So we will press on day by day. Surrendering any right to this baby. Trusting and hoping and asking for mercy!

When A Dream Come True Turns into a Nightmare

Well I am hesitant to post this, but since we have already been so open and honest here with all things how can I not...

Yesterday I woke up feeling very normally pregnant, sick and all. Then out of nowhere I was playing with caed (stop reading if you don't want to her too much information about my body) and felt warm blood. I freaked out and went to bathroom and there were gushes of blood. Found phone called Sean to come home, called good friend to come get Caed. And laid down on my couch, while laying there looking up at the poster that I made last year that has the verse, "In everything give thanks, for this is Gods will for you in Christ Jesus" and if ever there has been a time that I wanted to call that 'rubbish' it was then (though I tried to still list off things I was thankful for). Sean got home, held me we prayed, asked for the one hundredth time for God's mercy. After much looking on the Internet, calling our doc in Thailand and talking to a few others we decided to rest and see what happened then go in for ultrasound the next day (today).
After many long hours the bleeding did stop, never any cramps this whole time. And then (stop reading if you are afraid of TMI) just brown old blood for the next 10 hours.

I slept horrible, so afraid of bleeding again and so sure that this pregnancy was over.

We went to the local hospital (you are a lucky person if you have never had to endure small local Chinese hospitals). I was real nervous they would be cold and unhelpful and not let Sean in (as men are not usually allowed in women's department. They let Sean in. I am seven weeks today. They refused to internal ultrasound, so did abdominal instead. First time she (and the other five people in the room who were all watching) said they thought they saw a heartbeat, to go drink lots of water and come back. Thirty minutes later there was a heartbeat we could see and hear. Then we go back and meet with the doctor, which is where I wish I wasn't in China. Because its all in Chinese, baby is good size 2.5x2.8 cm. Everyone there kept calling the baby our guier (literally expensive baby- but maybe translated like most precious baby?) because we told them it was an ivf baby. We are pretty sure she said there was some blood around the outside of the placenta. She said to rest 3 days not to worry or be nervous and eat lots of vegetables and try not to poop (um this has to be China advice right?!) Of course no sex (last thing on anyone's mind) and no heavy lifting.

So here I am in bed resting. Going a little crazy. Having some hope but also not knowing what in the world is going on. Wishing I could talk to an English speaking specialist/doctor. Holding this baby with open arms, in a posture of surrender to the Lord, all while asking/begging for his mercy on us. Walking down a road I do not want to be on. Thankful for helpful friends, encouraging words and Sean.

Anyone out there experienced something like this before? I still feel nauseous, they took my blood today and I almost threw up, but maybe that's because of all the meds I'm on or the fact I lost a lot of blood.

So now we wait. Again. Wait. Hope. Pray. Wait. Rest. Beg. Wait for hope and future or wait for loss, I am not sure.

Blissfully Nauseous

That is how I would describe my last week :) Very happy to be completely sick and uncomfortable. Throwing up, starving but nothing sounds appetizing, so so sleepy, and don't get me started with the way things smell. Though feeling nauseous was something I have been praying for, a sign this little one is growing, so I am happy. A few days ago as I was in the bathroom throwing up Caed came in and put his hand in my shoulder and said, "oh I knew you were going to throw up mommy, can you be not so loud? Okay I'm going to leave, have a safe day." Then he walked out.
Sean is back to teaching full time starting tomorrow. My goal is to get through every day with a few small things accomplished. Caed is back to preschool twice a week.
We plan to go in for an ultrasound in about two weeks - ill be close to 9 weeks along then.